Wanted

Wanted

The individual pictured above is rumoured to be a candidate for the forthcoming European Election. She was last seen in public waving a brown envelope outside the Electoral Commission office. She is known to have a particular phobia about barristers from Kells. Should you witness this person in public please contact your nearest journalist or failing that please ask her if she has any policies. You may not receive an answer from her as she is known to travel with a large contingent of political minders (hence the need for the big bus) whose sole responsibility is to prevent her having to answer questions. This process has been extensively trialed before the election with meetings across the country; rumours that she was caught out once and had to answer a question on her own have not been confirmed. When talking she repeatedly expresses a desire to "be number 1" although this is no longer believed to refer to the forthcoming election and will instead be presented as a desire to release a record. In this regard her association with this man is of most concern.

This man is known to have an extensive interest in the music industry. The music industry has no interest in him. His vocals are an acquired taste and are considered such a threat to the community at large that two policemen are required to accompany him at all times to prevent panic should he feel the need to break into song. The public are warned that should they observe this man approaching with an accordian strapped to his chest they should run in the opposite direction.

Others thought to accompany her include these individuals

This individual is now believed to be an advanced scout from another planet. It is believed that his home planet has a surface temperature several degrees warmer than ours hence his lack of concern in relation to global warming and a tendency to strip off his clothes (due to warmer temperatures clothes are not worn on his home planet). To assist the human race in understanding the motivations of this individual you are asked to open any conversation with "Sammy, what planet are you from?"

This man is a well known political hypnotist. He is used by the DUP to give messages to the public which are unpalatable but due to the hypnotic delivery can be communicated without a loss of face to the DUP leadership. Due to his previous association with the UUP there is a greater understanding of the effect he can have. Only now after several years are people actually realising that he is not opposed to sharing power with Sinn Fein despite having hypnotised UUP members into believing he was. Having studied him for some years we believe that he has been given his biggest task to date for the DUP. Post EU election he will be asked to convince the unionist community that they now have enough confidence for the devolution of policing and justice powers. He will do this by simply repeating, through many media sources, that the unionist community now has the confidence for policing and justice to be devolved. Eventually people will be hypnotised into believing that such confidence exists, those who do not believe it will believe they are in a minority and remain silent to avoid being ostracised. After the 8th June if you listen to Radio Ulster in the morning and hear Wendy Austin introduce him please turn off your radio to avoid entering a hypnotic state.

This individual having been stood down from his previous position was asked to run for the EU election. Having refused a request from Don Robinson his punishment is to accompany the candidate during the election. He is not permitted to answer questions, indeed within the assembly he is not allowed to ask them either.

Some DUP photos



Dodds family car gets a makeover for the election.

DUP meeting the public. (note absence of public or journalists)












Diane is placed in escape pod upon rumours Jim Allister is in town.

Hypnotist tries to get reduction in price of strawberries.


Note man on right in hypnotic state.

"Please Peter I've suffered enough. Don't make me do this for the whole campaign"

Stealth tax

The decision of the Minister of Environment to boost Planning fees by 20% will come as some surprise to those of us who have listened to the First Minister's commitment to reducing the size and thence the cost of Government.


The Planning Service processing of planning applications is supposed to be a self financing arm of Government. The cost of delivering the service is meant to be met by those who make applications. Given the current downturn in the demand for new homes there is a resultant decrease in workload and income. Now in business terms the consequences are clear, an increase in costs or a reduction in staff. Yet is this to be the option in Government, especially where the First Minister and his Finance Minister are so commited to reducing the size of Government. What is to become of those staff who no longer have a sufficient workload, will they be redeployed to address the scandalous delay in the delivery of Area Development Plans? Will they be used to meet demands on planning service resources normally paid for under the normal budget process. Is this simply another stealth tax? If the priority is only to save staff then how does this fit with the priority to reduce the size of Government, if staff are not to be released where then are all the financial savings to come from?

Of course this issue does not stand alone in the scheme of things. The recent decision of the DRD Minister to approve a 10% hike in Translink fares only a few weeks after concerns were raised about the ability of the Executive to continue to fund free transport for Senior Citizens raises the same question. Are we simply watching an administration, frightened to tell the truth, introducing a series of stealth taxes on the people of Northern Ireland. Effectively the creation of a system where the public have no say in the priorities for government and where those leading the process have no experience of life outside the sheltered framework of politics, protected by political largess from the economic realities of life and decision making.

Fagan and the Artful Dodger were experts at distraction and pick pocketing, Peter and Nigel may soon be good enough for Stormont to replace the West End stage for our own production of Oliver.

Betrayal

The decision of the Government to severely limit the number of former Gurkha's who qualify to live in the UK shows that this Government is not only financially bankrupt but morally bankrupt as well. Those who have served this country so faithfully, at times with greater loyalty and commitment than some of its own citizens, deserve to be treated with the respect that their service has earned them.

Regretably, however, for this Government, the treatment of our armed services and the families of service personnel has never been a high priority. Indeed it is clear that the covenant between society and those who defend that society has been broken. Those who commit troops to war have a responsibility to ensure that they have the most appropriate equipment and support, that their families are cared for, that families are treated as equals in society and that those who leave the service are supported in adjusting to civilian life, including resettlement.

The Government has failed on so many fronts in this regard, yet even where they have tried to rectify the situation with the Service Personnel Command Paper we still find that here in Northern Ireland Sinn Fein are blocking its implementation. They are not the first to deny the rights of military personnel and they won't be the last but somehow the moral responsibility of a nation to its' troops must be met.

http://home.clara.net/stevebrown/html/expeience_of_war/kipling_tommy.htm

The budget

A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.
Senator Everett Dirksen (1896 - 1969)

Once upon a time I managed an organisation which provided advice services, of which money advice was a significant element. When someone came to us for help, usually because they were close to despair, we reviewed their outgoings and their incoming finances and sought to achieve some form of balance. This usually meant reducing their spending and maximising their income until their debt was clear. We always warned about the long term consequences of borrowing more to fix short term problems.

Spending our way out of a recession is an economic theory above my pay grade but then I have difficulty working out how much of the debt we are taking on is spendable new money. After all isn't much of the debt to cover the losses by the banks and the remainder to cover the Governments costs in running services because of a reduced tax take. So, if spending our way out of the recession is the theory then we are only using a small percentage of the loans we are taking out to do that.

Apparently we are to find £15 billion in efficiency savings over the next few years. Any Government that was inefficient to the tune of £15 billion shouldn't be in power anyway, but is it not time that we told people the truth, we cannot do everything we want to with the money we have and some things have to be prioritised.

The biggest political challenge we now face is finding politicians who will tell people the truth on water rates, the regional rate and the limits on service delivery.

People have to live within their means, so do Governments.